Each relationship is different

Even when you have a triad like we do each relationship ends up being very very different. I'm still confused about the way our triad seems to be taking shape but I'm trying really hard to just let it happen in whatever manner it's meant to. Our girlfriend seems to have the emotionally charged, deep conversations kind of connection with me. She has the sexual connection with my husband. Actually she just has the sex with him. The sex with me is pretty much non-existent unless boob play is considered sex. It's not how I'm used to a relationship being so I don't have any reference point to compare from to figure out if this is OK or not. Emotionally it doesn't feel ok. I tried addressing it to see what it all means. Right now I feel very left out, confused, hurt, and jealous of the connection he has with her. I can see that sex is an extension of their love for one another. I don't have that with her. My intuition is telling me if we can't get it together and communicate this isn't going to work. That thought is heart breaking.