Being a triad is hard work

First and foremost I have to start this blog post with a huge thank you to Sweet Lady. She brings something into this relationship that is so amazing. I'm not sure words will be able to accurately describe it. I'll try my best to convey how perfectly she fits into the family.

A few nights ago we all had a sit down conversation about equality, primaries, co-primaries, secondaries, jealousy, feeling like a third wheel, time together, displays of affection with each other etc. Before the sit down Sweet Lady and I had talked one on one about it. She told me some observations and thoughts she had about our relationship with Bud. I wasn't sure if she was right but it made sense so I didn't discount it in any way.

Then Bud was acting a bit strangely the next night when we were all in bed. He said it was because of his back pain. He does have a lot of back pain but I had a feeling there was more to it than that. He sent me some text messages sounding as if he was bothered by the relationship I was developing with her. The following day his mood was off with me. I couldn't pinpoint anything that happened that day to change his mood so I wondered if it was carrying over from the previous night. We had a very uncomfortable evening/night because of it.

I had not yet said anything to Sweet Lady about any of it. She was trying really hard to be close to me. I had so much swirling around in my head that I was trying to keep quiet so it could work itself out that I was afraid to be close to her for fear I would upset Bud again. I ended up being very mean to both of them and put us all in a really uncomfortable place. I felt so bad as soon as the words were out of my mouth. There was no taking them back unfortunately. Now I have to try to repair the damage caused by my outburst.

I'm still amazed that Sweet Lady knew exactly what was bothering him. She has a connection with him that is different than mine. At one point she worried about being a third wheel, about not being a full part of this relationship because she was the outsider coming into an established relationship. She is far from an outsider. It's so apparent that we are meant to be together. There is no way all the things that happened to allow us to be together were a coincidence. I only hope we can make it right and figure this out moving forward.