We have a house!

We went to look at a possible house this past weekend. After everyone had a chance to see it and talk about things we decided to take it. It's exciting, scarey and overwhelming all at once. This is it. We will all be living together. Holy Moly......we will all be living together!!! I can't wait to be able to get moved in and set up. But that also means leaving our home of more than 10 years, our kids changing schools, leaving behind friends & family. There is also a part of me that's very sad to leave behind what I've known for so long and what feels safe for me in order to take on something new. I'm a creature of habit. Change is extremely difficult for me. I spent some time this morning on the phone with all of the utility companies talking about getting things set up. The house we're moving into is in such a rural area that cable tv/internet/phone isn't available so we have to get a different company for those things.

Bud had an MRI at the local hospital this morning at 6:30. Sweet Lady and I are taking him to another hospital to meet with a surgeon this afternoon. Hopefully we can come home with some answers as to how to help him. It's been hard having him in so much pain. He is physically here with us as much as he can be but emotionally he's very disconnected from me lately. Intimately the connection with him is non-existent for me the last few weeks. I'm starting to really miss him even though he lives right here with me. Soon, I keep telling myself, soon he will be back with me. We just have to get over this one little speed bump.

And here is a picture of the house I took from Google maps. The cars you see parked are not our cars. It's whomever was there before us.

Happy Halloween!!!

This is my favorite holiday. I absolutely love Halloween. This is the best one in a very long time. It is our first one with Sweet Lady as part of our family. She and Bud took the kids out trick & treating then to his parents' house so meme and bampa could see the costumes. OMG Sweet Lady looks absolutely amazing in her costume. Everyone was so excited to go. It was originally planned that I would accompany them but as I thought about it I decided to gracefully bow out. I told Sweet Lady and Bud that I would like it if they took the chance to be together as a couple with the kids. I was involved by helping to put costumes on, do hair & make-up and send them off out the door. It felt like a nice way to not only include everyone in some way but to also share the joy with Sweet Lady and give her that bonding time with Bud. I was so worried in the beginning that we would never figure all of this out for a relationship involving three people. It has ended up just sort of falling into place. I think it helps a lot that we are all looking out for one another instead of being selfish. I also started a surprise for Sweet Lady today. It's going to take a few months to be completed though. I hope I can keep the secret that long.

In my happy place

Last night Sweet Lady took all of the kids to her house for a movie so Bud and I could have a date night. We didn't do much because his back was hurting. Sat in the living room, watched episodes of Mysteries at the Museum and talked. It wasn't terribly exciting but it was nice to have that quiet time with him. We didn't even ask her to. She just told us she was doing it and left no room for discussion about it. She is the most amazing woman I've ever met. Really!!! I'm not kidding.

She came into a relationship that must have felt pretty strange to her at times with a married man. Then ended up in a relationship with me shortly after. She's handled herself with dignity and grace that I'm not sure I could have found if I had been in her place. We're very lucky to have her as part of our family.

Bud is over spending time with her at her house now. She's got some kid-free time for about an hour. Her younger two went out with the oldest one for a little while. Little Buddy seems to be doing ok with Daddy being gone for the time being. Maybe he's starting to get used to it.

Our 3 year old

Poor little guy is having a hard time with missing Daddy when he goes to Sweet Lady's. Bud is over at her house again right now. Little buddy has been super clingy to me since Daddy left saying he misses him. We thought the meltdown from little buddy last night was due to Daddy not saying goodbye or anything before he left. So today he made sure to say goodbye along with letting him know he'd be back soon. It hasn't seemed to help. Bud has been the stay at home parent since little buddy was a baby so Dad is his safety and comfort. Not sure how to navigate this one. Maybe it's just going to take time for him to adjust to not having Daddy around 24/7?

I'm trying really hard to maintain patience until we move into a house that has all of us in one place. I know this is only temporary but damn it mama bear really wants to come out right now. I see something upsetting my children and my first instinct is to fight & protect. In this case I need to let it go though. The two of them need and deserve time alone to do whatever they want. I wish there was an instruction manual for poly and kids. I would open up to the chapter that tells me how to handle this situation and calm my mama bear feelings. 

Quiet house

My house is amazingly quiet at the moment. I know...I know, I jinxed myself by writing that. My and Bud's oldest one has a friend visiting and they are outside talking about whatever it is pre-teen girls talk about. Our other 2 girls are volunteering at the community center peeling apples for an apple pie fundraiser and the youngest is playing quietly. Bud is at Sweet Lady's house spending time with her and her kids. I need to cook dinner but I'm procrastinating by writing on my blog. I suppose the kids will want to be fed so I should go cook. It's a cold rainy day. I would rather be curled up under a blanket with a reading book or my journals.

Back pain, couches, and short tempers

Bud's back pain has been pretty bad the last week or so. He hasn't slept in bed with Sweet Lady and I since last Tuesday or Wednesday. I don't recall which day for sure, just that it's been a while. Laying down for him is extremely painful. He sleeps in the recliner downstairs for now. That's meant little sleep for him. No cuddle time for Sweet Lady and I with him and no adult time with him either. Sweet Lady and I have spent a lot of time either worrying about him, taking care of every day tasks, or trying to catch up sleep because we are both exhausted. We had a bit of a tense night recently where Bud wanted to talk with us both and the conversation ended abruptly after something I said was taken wrong. Bud tried to approach the conversation a second time but he was still on edge so it ended abruptly again without being productive.

He expressed the night before last that he gets pretty lonely being downstairs all night in the recliner. Sweet Lady and I have been sleeping on the couch since then so he isn't alone. It's not easy to fit two people on a couch but it helps Bud feel better. We'll get through it. Sweet Lady and I are going to ask Bud if he would be willing to sleep on a recliner in the bedroom while we sleep in the bed. That seems like a good way to fix both issues for now. Bud will be able to be near us. Sweet Lady and I will be able to get a better night of sleep.

I've noticed myself getting very off in my mood lately. I've been stressed about work related things. I haven't been able to reconnect with Bud or Sweet Lady the way I'd like to. It's a quick hug or kiss here & there as we all buzz around with a million things on our minds. Which is a part of life. I do realize that. I just enjoy the physical contact. It doesn't even have to be sexual all the time. Just holding one another helps me feel reconnected at the end of the day.

Anyhow, real life is calling me back so I better sign off now. Hope everyone out there is having a wonderful Autumn!!!

House hunting continued

So the lead on the house that Bud was able to get has led to lots of conversations between all of us. It's great we are all able to talk as easily as we do but man oh man who would have thought it could bring up all the emotions we've been experiencing. We've gone from the high of Woo Hoo finally a house possibilty! To OMG finally a house possibility.....oh shit...there's a lot of logistics involved in making this decision...which direction do we go first?! We are slowly figuring it out one step at a time to see if this house will be the one or not. It would involve school changes for the kids or finding creative ways to keep them in the same school if we move out of town. It also changes the driving time back & forth to work for me and Sweet Lady as well as putting us in the position of driving a nasty mountain road in the winter. Which we're both willing to do. It will all work out however it's supposed to.